Tales of the Parodyverse

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L!
Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 01:54:19 am EDT
Subject
Part two of The Chad & Ronnie Murder Mystery
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Read Part one Here & then read this part, it might make slightly more sense if you do.

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The Dallard's Corner Apartment of one Miss Jane Tarzania.
There was a fast series of knocks on her door.

"I'm coming." She said to the door.

Then came more quick knocks.

"I'm coming. I'll getting there. Just keep your pants on." She told the door again.

She gets to the door & looks through her peephole to see her ex-boyfriend standing in the hallway alone. She found that odd, he never went anywhere without his better half. She also noticed that he had a look of concern on his face: Something was wrong or he really needed to pee.

Jane unlocks the door & Ronald Arnold Gerrimoto Beeslyhuxtoy rushes into the apartment in all his bright red & bright yellowness. He then started to mutter something quiet quickly. Jane couldn't make out what he was saying. She knew it was about Chad, he kept on repeating that name & it had something to do with Vampires.

"Ronnie." She said. He didn't stop talking.

"Ronnie!" She said a little louder. He didn't stop.

"RONNIE!" She yelled as she slapped him across the face. He stopped talking.

"Ow. That hurt." Ronnie said, rubbing his face.

"I'm sorry but I needed to stop you from talking. Now, at a normal speed: tell me what's wrong?"

"Chad's been Arrested." Ronnie said sadly.

"What?" Jane said. She was shocked.

"Yes & I did nothing to stop it. I just sat their on our couch. You know the one. The one I found the side of the street."

"The one that smelled like Cat pee?"

"Yes. I just sat their watching the TV as they arrested him. Stupid Ronnie." He said sadly.

Then he started to slap himself across the face repeatedly. First with his left hand, then his right & then his left & then his right again. He slapped himself for a few minutes. All the time saying: "Stupid Ronnie! Bad Ronnie! You did nothing to kept the Police from arresting Chad! You promised that the last time would be the last time. But, what happened? You let down your guard & he got arrested again! You knew that if you watched that type of show you'd lose all sense of reality! It happens every time!"

Jane stopped Ronnie from beating himself senseless.

"Ronnie, there is no sense beating yourself up for this. It's probably not your fault."

"It's not?"

"No." Jane said with a smile. "Now do you know why he was arrested?"

"No. I came straight here after I noticed Chad was gone."

"Wait. You noticed he was missing then how do you know he got arrested?"

"As I left the apartment to look for Chad our neighbor, old Mrs. Mcgonagall, said she saw the Police take Chad away in handcuffs."

"Ok. Then, next thing to do is go down to the police station to ask why the arrested Chad."

"Ok."

Jane went to go get her jacket as Ronnie took out his hamster, Little Cat, to feed him a jellybean or two. As he did, he said: "It's ok, little guy. Were going to get Chad back." She smiled.

Jane, Ronnie & Little Cat left the apartment to go down to the Police Station.

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"What?"

"Yes, ma'am. The person in question is a prime suspect in a murder case."

"What? Chad would never hurt anyone let alone kill them." Ronnie told the Officer with some anger in his voice.

"Well.. We have evidence that says otherwise, freako." The Officer said looking over Ronnie's odd manner of dress.

"Can we see him?" Jane asked.

"Sure."

The Officer lead the ex-lovers & the hamster back to Lock up. They past various cells, all with varying people in them. The officer stopped at the one on the end, this cell only had had two people: Chad & a man who introduced himself as "Big Thick Eddie", he was in there because because of a fight he was involved in at the Bar he is a bouncer for.

Chad stood in the cell wearing a grey t-shirt, a pair of striped draw string pants, a pair of fluffy beaver slippers & a dark green bath robe. His hair was still slightly messed his night's sleep. He had a sad look on his face.

"Chad, where's your accordion?" Jane asked looking for the ever present instrument.

"We took it from him, lady. It's evidence now." The officer said as he walked off.

During all this, Eddie had past out. Then, Chad & Ronnie started to "talk". Jane has seen it before, but this time was different somehow. Maybe it was the place they were in, maybe it was what had happened or maybe it was something different.

"I know. I'm sorry. I should have paid more attention." Ronnie said. As he spoke he didn't look Chad in the eye, he looked at the floor mostly.

Chad still had a sad look.

"You know how I get when I find something on TV about Vampires. I loose all sense of the world & bad things happen. You remember back on '82."

Chad shook his head yes. Ronnie looked up & then Chad started to make a series of hand gestures. The gestures were new to Jane, Chad must of picked them up recently or she'd never noticed them before.

"No. I don't know when they'll let you out. But, I'll do everything I can to get you out."

Ronnie turned to Jane & said. "We're leaving."

Jane was a little surprised with the tone he said it in. It was not Ronnie's normal happy, go lucky tone. It was a tone Jane has only heard a could of time in her life: half of them were at funerals. Ronnie & Jane said their goodbyes then walked away. As they did, an elderly woman walked past them. Ronnie nodded hello, she waved back.

"Who's that?" Jane asked.

"That's Chad's Old Lady."

"That's his Mother?" Jane asked. If it was, she had so many questions to ask her.

"No. If it was his mom, I would have said so. A few years ago, before I met you Chad & I were unofficially adopted by two wonderful women. We became their Sonny Boys & they became our Old Ladies. That's Mrs. Johnson, Chad's Old Lady. I'm glad she's here, Chad needs her now." Ronnie said with a tone that went from happiness as if he was remembering some good memory to sadness as if he was remembering some bad memory.

Jane decided to not further question him on their old ladies. She turned back to see Mrs. Johnson "talking" with Chad. She also saw Mrs. Johnson hit Eddie with her Umbrella, he must of woken up.

"Where are we going?"

"To get Chad out."

Ronnie pulled an Address book out his coat pocket. He flipped over the cover pages & until he found the one he was looking for.

"Ah. Yes. Mr. Know It all." Ronnie said.

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Ronnie lead Jane down a creaky wooden stairs to an old basement.

"What are we doing here?" She quietly asked Ronnie.

"We here to see Mr. Know It All." Ronnie whispered back.

At the end of the hallway was a small dimly lit room filled to the brim with information. The Duo walked in.

"Hello." Ronnie said sternly.

A head popped up from a behind a pile of books on a generic looking grey metal desk. He was surprised to see them there.

"What are you doing here?" The bespectacled man asked angrily.

"I need your help."

"Why?" The man asked weary of the questioner.

"My friend has been falsely imprisoned & I need some info to help him get out."

"Good. I think the city of Parrodipolis & the world at large can sleep soundly at night knowing one of you are locked up." The brown haired man said as he went back to his work.

"But, he's been falsely imprisoned!" Ronnie pleaded.

Jane didn't know what to say. Her ex-boyfriend has come to the the Lair Mansion to ask a member of the team for help. Questions ran through her mind, none for Mr. Bookman. The questions were all for Ronnie: How did he know how to get into the Mansion so easily & How did he know Mr. Bookman were the two questions that came up most often.

"I don't care. He's locked up that's all that matters."

"But, I thought you wanted to know who we were? We are your... Your, what do you call us? Ah yes, your Anomalies." Ronnie said bluntly. He knew that comment would get a reaction.

Ronnie got his reaction. Mr. Bookman paused for a moment. Jane wondered with a Member of the Lair Legion would spend his time gathered information on Chad & Ronnie.

A minute or so later, Mr. Bookman spoke. "Yes. I would like to find out the mystery behind you & your little friend but I will not be forced to do research for you."

Ronnie sighed & then said. "If I give you some info on me, will you give all the info the Police have against my Friend?"

Mr. Bookman thought for a moment & then said. "Yes."

Ronnie reached into his pocket & place a handful of jellybeans on the desk. Mr. Bookman stared at the candy, then at Ronnie, back at the Candy & back at Ronnie.

"This is it? This is all a get? A handful of jellybeans!" Mr. Bookman said with angry tone to his voice.

"Yes. Your a researcher, find out what the mean." Ronnie said bluntly.

"True." Mr. Bookman said & then went about his business. He turned away from Ronnie & Jane, he began to type something into his computer.

As they waited, Jane whispered into Ronnie's ear "What do the jellybeans mean?"

Ronnie whispered back "I'll tell you after we leave, Mr. Know It All has the place bugged."

Ronnie then pointed out a half dozen recording devices place around the room.

As they continued to waited, Jane started to look over the files around her.

"Please don't do that, Miss. The Files in here are highly confidential." Mr. Bookman said.

Jane wondered how he know she was doing that, he was turned away from her. Then she remembered about the cameras & other devices watching her every move.

Another few minutes later, Mr. Bookman turned back towards them & handed Ronnie a file folder.

"This is everything the Police has on your friend as of ten minutes ago." Mr. Bookman said.

"Thank you." Ronnie said & then turned to leave.

As she left, Jane waved goodbye. Mr. Bookman didn't see it, he'd had gone back to his work.

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TO BE CONTINUED.....


Next Time: A Nocturnal Nurse & 2 Socialites talk about their experiances with Chad & Ronnie. Also, more clues in the Case against Chadwick L. Swiss.

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FOOTNOTES:

Big Thick Eddie is the Bouncer for the Fatal Toilet Bar in Parrodipolis.

Lee Bookman has had an obsession with Chad & Ronnie ever since they showed up unannounced at the Lair Legion Christmas Party held at Sir Mumphrey's Home. This Party was chronicled in Untold Tales # 200 & 201. Chad & Ronnie's experiance was chronicled in the 3 part (including 2 epilogues) adventure entitled "The Christahannaqwanza Spectacular". That was back in 2004, It's 2006 & Lee Bookman still hasn't figured out Chad & Ronnie. He may never find out.


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